“I just don’t like people”
That comment stopped a conversation in it’s tracks recently. It wasn’t quite in context but by then I’d lost the will to explain further. I made a polite excuse and left.
I have dear friends (you know who you are), and family I love – and yes they do still talk to me, they understand me – now. Many a falling out happened over my reluctance to attend other kids parties. I froze at the front door, gift in hand just desperate to be home. I have a dent in my back from all the times I’d been shoved in to some relative’s home for Sunday tea – in the end it was just less embarrassing for my parents to leave me sat outside in the car.
I’m not a shy shrinking violet, neither do I lack confidence. I’m not cold, aloof or unapproachable. I’m not consciously rude, I’d just rather have an open and honest conversation rather than beat around the bush.
Small talk evades me – but get me started on travel and where you went for your holidays and I can talk to you all day. I find people fascinating, in small doses. Just give me a quiet space to process it.
‘Show me where the masses are going and head in the opposite direction’ – that’s me, I’m the one half way up the mountain path meandering by herself. I’ve travelled many times on my own and seen sunsets without feeling sad because no-one was by my side to share it.
I’m not ill, unhappy or lonely. Give me a cat and an internet connection and I’m content.
In a past career our team was asked to complete a behavioural profile test. This was to assess what drives and motivates us, how best to train us etc. My results confirmed that the person I was at work was something completely different to my ‘true’ self and that I was having to adapt from my ‘natural’ self to do the job. Oh – and I shouldn’t be touched under any circumstances whilst being trained!! The penny should have dropped then that I was in the wrong job.
I can type this and post it without issue. If you were all sitting in front of me I would not have said a word …