From year to year, crisis to crisis, I’ve comforted myself with many thoughts gleaned from books and articles. They lulled me in to a sense of everything was ok, everything was going to plan, it’s all part of some bigger picture so just keep following the path. When I put the below quotes together and read them I thought what drivel – and I’ve been quoting them to myself for years!
I’m particularly fond of the thought that before we came to this life we were taken to one side and given a set of blueprints of how it was all going to pan out, but for some unfathomable reason these were then taken from us and all memory wiped as we kicked and screamed our way in to our mother’s arms. Whose bright idea was that then! I’m sure I’ve worked for companies who believe in the same philosophy. There’s promise we may get to see them again on our way out and check if we made it all happen – I wonder whose keeping score and what happens if we blew it? Do we lose brownie points, get kept in after school, have to write 100 times ‘I cocked it up’.
Someone must have a clue what was on those blueprints. Books tell us to plan, make goals, have lists of stuff we think we need to do, have meaningful relationships and careers, keep busy, don’t be busy, meditate, lose yourself, find yourself .. and on it goes.
Is all this just a distraction to fill the gap between arrival and departure? We’ve been dumped airside and now we need to amuse ourselves in duty free waiting for the last flight out.
What if there is no blueprint, no plan, no path. How scary is that, someone forgot to install the sat nav ..
At this point you can either freeze on the spot long enough to be eaten by wolves, follow the crowd and hope it’s going someplace you want to be, or decide to make it up as you go along and take life at your pace.
What if you are already where you are meant to be, could you relax, accept your life, be happy and content? Or would you still be looking to fill some gap?
Done Dreaming 
This is very thought provoking. I always have a sense of uneasy-ness and it gets old. Really old. You too?
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I’ve come to the conclusion I’ve been clinging to these quotes like a drowning man to a liferaft. If you repeat them to yourself often enough it gives some kind of comfort. Problem is it’s not working for me anymore and I don’t know what to do about it. Like you said John, the feeling gets really old and it’s finding a way to shake it off for good. Anything working for you?
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Courage. I have lived under the thumb of my father all of my life. He is a good man and I love him but he is difficult. I worked for him in the family business for decades, I’m now retired here in Las Vegas but still the thumb is long. Hope that makes sense. Being here has allowed me to be free. my wife is my biggest support. It’s also a fresh start from everything that has been in Michigan my whole life. The good, the bad, the ugly. Fresh beginnings are good.
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Courage and fresh beginnings .. I’ve got the courage so perhaps need to get started on a fresh beginning. I understand about your father, I have something similar with my mother who lives 2 doors away and seems to think there are no boundaries. Escaping to a log cabin up a mountain in Canada looks more appealing every day!
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I understand. You feel somewhat trapped… We lived next door too but about 1/4 mile away through the woods. Still darn close.
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I can’t believe how many times I have been told everything happens for a reason. I say what’s the reason and what’s the plan? What road map do we follow? Self-help books do little more than confuse me or make me feel even worse about myself. Therapy never worked either. The phrase “and how does that make you feel” made me want to strangle the therapist. So, when you get this figured out I will be anxious to know what the big plan is and how I got off the path!
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You start to wonder if this is someone’s cruel idea of a game. Billions of people on this planet, many of which have no clue what they are doing or why. The rest are trying to kill each other to get to the top of the heap, not sure what the prize is when/if they make it but perhaps it’s giving someone a laugh up there in the universe watching it all. I feel I’m currently sitting on the side of a hill looking off in to the distance trying to figure out what the next move should be. Hopefully I can come up with something before winter sets in or I’m dragged off by a wild beast! If I find an answer I’ll give you a shout 🙂
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If you happen to get drug off by a wild beast—ask if he has a brother! 😏 I often feel like a chess piece in one giant game, always being moved but never knowing where I’ll land and if I’ll be safe when I do.
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Ha, ha it’s a deal! If you are a chess piece make sure you are the magnificent queen and swish around in your tiara and posh frock 🙂
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Of course!! That would be a lot nicer than the pawn I feel like!
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Ooh interesting … I think I’m somewhere in between your final thought: somewhere in between being comfortable where I am, enjoying the small things, the moments, the little interactions … and still hoping/striving to fill the gap eventually!
I don’t believe there’s a particular path to follow, and I might be wrong, but I think being gentle with myself right now -where I’m not quite living everything I want – might help me get where I want to be!
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Sounds like you are in a good place Julie. And I agree with the being gentle with yourself, it takes a lot of energy to beat yourself up and it get’s you no-where.
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