I started the year with no goals other than to find my Joy and dance with it lovingly. Fingers entwined, flowers in my hair, silk swirling around my legs. Visualise what makes my heart soar and do it .. lots of it.
Now Joy is a wonderful thing – providing you can spot it and, more importantly, allow it to permeate your every pore and wallow in it’s glory. To help me unravel the knotted ball of steel that is my emotional life I’m currently reading a book that peaked my curiosity. I’m not here to plug or review it for different things move different people.
What the book has done is pose questions I’ve not thought of in a long time, that I haven’t wanted to (or been unable to) answer. The emphasis is on achieving the feelings (rather than the ‘goal’) as feelings are generally what drives us to want, wish, set goals in the first place. Setting yourself a goal of buying a new car this year may be because the old banger you currently have keeps breaking down so a new one would give you the feel of being safe, protected, confident etc. Getting to the core of what feelings I want (or no longer want) on a regular basis means revisiting some visions that have been shut up in a box for a long time so it’s been quite emotional. With answers like the following I started to see what type of person I’ve become, and it’s not what I want for myself –
With people, I’m – an island, shut in my own little world
I feel vulnerable when – I let the drawbridge down, or someone tries to swim the moat
Most regular waking thought – what the f- -k am I doing!
In crisis – I walk away & go sit somewhere quiet, breathe deeply, cry, fight like hell & there will be casualties
Ecstasy lives – somewhere else
There were some more positive answers which helped pin down where my Joy can be found –
The colour of Joy – raspberry (?!)
The sound of Joy – birds, bees, music, the ocean
The scent of Joy – roses, sweet peas, cedar, sea breeze, baking, a wood fire
If delight were an animal, it would be – a kitten
It has stirred up feelings that have caught me off guard. Perhaps I should have kept a lid on my Pandora’s box but the swirling maelstrom is out and the lid won’t go back on. Now I need to learn to dance in the storm too ..